ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOR

DEFINITION

Addictive behavior connotes a lack of control, an inability to create balance in life, and a complete surrender to a substance or behavior that takes precedence over relationships and values.

Addiction evolves when an individual chooses to experiment by using a substance or experiencing a behavior that will eventually carry a negative and self-destructive price. Initially, the addiction may create an incredible “high” and give the individual tremendous satisfaction. Eventually, the same use or activity becomes an obsession that assumes only a simple level of satisfaction or a means of coping. 

As the effect lessens with use, the person substitutes the addictive behavior as the primary means for simple survival. The personal power that each of us has is given away to the drug, the drink, the activity that consumes a life.  The addiction now controls with whom we associate, how we spend our time and money, and where we will focus our efforts.  It also robs us of our rights to choose, stealing our integrity and our ability to reason.  What remains is a feeling of helplessness, a lack of hope and a sense of shame.

CULTURAL NORMS

Addictions are becoming the “norm” in many cultures.  People laugh about their inability to control themselves with too much partying, too much sex, too much self-destructive behavior.  Living “on the edge” or “for the moment” takes away the responsibility that is needed to reach goals, develop a talent or care about anyone other than oneself.  They are a means to “cope”, a way to “block out the pain” or “get a high”. Meanwhile, they consume the person, leaving behind all potential with a loss of conscience and a sense of devastation.

TEENS

Teens are blanketed with addictive behavior.  They often see their parents consumed with their own addictions; they are surrounded with drugs, alcohol, unhealthy relationships and self-destructive behavior.  What first seems like innocent experimentation, often becomes obsessive, compulsive behavior.  They see themselves or their friends losing themselves into a world that offers no second chances.  They know what it is like to lose a friend, a family member or themselves to a substance/activity that offers no hope and often times, complete self-destruction.

Billions of dollars have been invested in prevention and intervention.  We all know this disease that is pervading the world.  The concept of an “immediate fix” has taken over the best of families as well as individual teens, who are trying to survive on their own.  No matter how well we educate our youth; there is still the reality that teens find themselves with new challenges.  Their friends are making decisions to “take life into their own hands”, and unless a teen joins the group, he is often left in a world of isolation.

Teens often find that “peer pressure” is a real thing and that there is a natural craving for excitement as well as a need to relieve the stress that is out there for each of us.  It takes no effort to find whatever they are looking for to get their “high”.  The problem continues to erode when that activity becomes the constant topic of conversation.  Days revolve around the addictive behavior.  Before long, the loss of self is so subtle and treacherous, that the person can hardly recall the life that used to be.  There are few answers to stop the treadmill that keeps taking them further away from what used to be their top priorities, including: family, friends, goals, talents and, most importantly, themselves. 

AM I ADDICTED?

Addiction is usually more obvious to those people who surround us than to ourselves.  Our behavior “feels” normal and we assume that we are fooling the world.  We have learned to have others “cover” for our mistakes; we lie, cheat and steal with ease, and we no longer feel guilt as we justify any actions that may seem deceptive or cruel to others.

Usually, we have to lose some valuable pieces of our lives before we may start to acknowledge where we are.  Maybe we are more apt to be angry, to rage, to abuse, to bully, to put others down, to argue with authority, to have a constant attitude and respect no one.  Or maybe we find that we withdraw from everything that once mattered, and the days become darker and our lives feel less significant.  There doesn’t seem to be a way out and there is no one who will understand.

WHAT TO DO…

There is an answer.  There is a 12 step program that has been around for over seven decades and carries its own sense of truth.  This program would be a great guideline for all people, young and old alike, since we all have habits that consume us.  No one is perfect.  We all wished that we could start each day with a better attitude, less anger, more kindness and above all, a better sense of who we are.   Teen Addiction Anonymous can now be facilitated at high schools and community and youth outreach programs.  For adults, there are multiple meetings and 12 step support systems out there to get anyone started with a sense of healing.  One can find a meeting place in your own city by checking out the 12 step programs in your area.

We first have to get past “denial”.  Denial is the noun that indicates a refusal to admit that there is a problem.  People with negative addictive behaviors stop “hanging out with those who don’t participate”.  They spend most of their time denying to themselves or others that there even is a problem.  They focus each minute on how great they will feel when they get to that place of addiction, minimizing the cost that they pay each time it happens.

BEGIN… 

Addiction comes in many sizes and shapes.  Whether you spend money that you don’t have (the U.S. has estimated that we carry over $600 billion in credit card debt…and rising as you read this article), or you are into the many “tech” addictions, with sexual contacts, gambling and violence.  Maybe you are co-dependent (can’t live without that person to hold onto), a perfectionist (putting people down, creating your own mania), maybe it is just an obsession with over-eating or under-eating (both indicating low self-esteem), or maybe you work too much or play too much; the reality is clear.

We need to find a way to stop the momentum.  We need to begin to care enough about ourselves and others to address our own reality.  We need to create a sense of sanity so that we can begin to celebrate who we are and not how we feel compelled to exist.

There is a better way. 

There are people who care. 

The time is now. 

It is never too late.